Ruth B, Lost Boy
I am a lost boy from Neverland usually hanging out with Peter Pan, and when we’re bored we play in the woods always on the run from Captain Hook
Watching Peter Pan as a child and finding him so cool because he could just do whatever he wanted to in Neverland was definitely not something I would have thought I’d reminisce about in the future. To be honest, I didn’t have an emotional bond towards that movie/story back then nor was it on the list of my favorite disney movies, I just thought Peter was cool, still I certainly didn’t understand why he didn’t want to grow up and why he was agaisnt adulting…well how would I? I probably was around eight or nine when I first watched the movie, but Neverland always sounded like a paradise where you’d have all the freedom you always wished for to me. Later on I couldn’t wait to finally be an adult, as for me, reaching the age of majority always seemed to be my kind of Neverland. Thinking that growing up would allow me to finally do whatever I want, wherever I want and whenever I want…thought attending adulthood would be the solution to all my childish worries. And I’m pretty sure that I don’t have to explain to you that I was…kiiiinda wrong with that thought, I asume that probably most of you experienced something similar by entering adulthood. However, none of us can escape it, one day or another time will force us to grow up.
Anyways…once again that was quite a rough introduction (sorry for that) nevertheless I just turned 22 a little more than a week ago and to be frank, I was rather not very pleased about getting older because until now, being an adult hasn’t been that much of the Neverland I expected it to be. As always, I was overthinking things, once more thinking about how I’m just getting older without really achieving something significant for my rear future, and how another year flew by and I just seem to run out of time to acomplish my dreams. But then Ruth B’s – Lost Boy came on shuffle while I was just sitting there, lost in my thoughts and my earphones plugged in. I haven’t listened to that song in a while yet it’s one of my favorite songs and means a lot to me. Due to this song I ended up reading the actual book of Peter Pan a year ago and that’s where all the reflecting about it started. Did you know that Captain Hook represents all the hardships and struggles we would have to face as we grow older and enter adulthood? And that the crocodile that bit his hand off, that was holding his watch, is representing Hook’s childhood times being over?
Ruth B, Lost Boy
He said, „Peter Pan that’s what they call me, I’ll promise that you’ll never be lonely“ and ever since that day…
However, all this talk about Peter and his folks might sound pretty depressing but my 22nd birthday turned out to be great and I’m very greatful for all the people who I shared it with. Since it was the first birthday ever I spent away from home, I was also worried about how I would feel on the day itself but turns out that I was worried for nothing. As long as you have the right people around you, even a birthday far away from your beloved home and casualities can be unforgettable. Now this might surprise you, since I keep claiming that I’m not a people person at all in my last posts but you know, as a loner and introvert it is rather hard to explain to others what this feeling is like when you actually enjoy being by yourself but still detest the sentiment of lonliness. Maybe it’s more that I dislike being around people just to be around them, I hate small talks and talking to others just for the sake of talking without any further meaning. If you first meet me you probably won’t notice this vulnerable side of me because most of the time I’m wearing a mask, just to give people the impression they want or expect from me. The real struggle is to find people I feel emotionally connected enough to share this susceptible side of mine, people that I actually feel comfortable around and are able to break my walls down, people that I can actually call my friends…hence the feeling of loneliness eventhough I might be surrounded by lots of people. Being like that can be emotionally very exhausting but when you finally find the persons that are able to break through that barrier of yours as well as just accepting you with all the demons you are carrying, it feels like a warm homecoming. I imagine it to be like how Peter must have felt when he found his lost boys and how they must have felt when they found Peter.
So this past few weeks I think I can say that after a rough start here in Seoul, I have found people that I gladly call my friends. It took me a while, quite a while, but I believe that the time that it took was totally worth it. I have to admit that there were times where I strongly questioned my own decision of coming to Korea and where I missed home more than I could describe in words. I struggled a lot and it definitely was hard and the more I struggled the more I just wanted to be alone and only spend my time on my own. Luckily Peter Pan came soon enough and I found my kind of lost boys in Seoul. Never would I have thought that bonding with people was the key to making my life more comfortable but happily I had people by my side, without really realizing it, who showed me the good and precious side of socialising. Thanks to them I’m enjoying every single day that I get to spend here now and I guess spending my 22nd birthday with all the people here that I cherrish made me realize that growing up might be exhausting and hard, but thinking about it too much won’t make it any better either because time won’t stop and will overtake us someday if we don’t accept it. It made me comprehend a little better that running away from „getting older“ and facing responsibilities makes everything just worse but if I face it, I don’t have to do it alone, fighting against Captain Hook with Peter and the lost boys by your side can actually be one hell of an adventure.
Ruth B, Lost Boy
Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling even Captain Hook, you are my perfect story book
To sum things up, I made some great friends here in Seoul who I cherrish a lot and that I hope to make even more unforgettable memories with. I’m very greatful to all of them. Thinking back to the first few weeks here with all the hardships and inner turmoil I went through seems so irrelevant now, all those things seem so small now and this outcome is definitely not due to myself. I’m very thankful to all the people, not just the ones here, that never let go of me and always stay by my side even when I’m being diffcult to handle with, people that support me, even if I’m miles appart from them, people that, whatever may come, are ready to face Captain Hook with me. I guess this post turned out to be, eventhough that wasn’t my first intention when I started writting it (as always ^^) dedicated to all the persons that I care about; I’m fine, and I’m enjoying every single day that I get to spend here. I had a very nice birthday and I feel a little more like 22 now. My life is still not perfect, I still miss my bed and swiss food, some things still make my blood boil because they just don’t work eventhough it would be so simple, but at least I found my lost boys now and maybe I’m coming a little closer, step by step, to my Neverland.
So, I guess that was it for today’s post and at this point I’d like to add that I’m sorry that it took me so long to update. Life has been kinda hectic this past few days and weeks but I’m trying my best to write as much as possible, and hopefully you could get another insight into what is going on in my life at the moment. However I hope you liked my post, eventhough it drifted a little away from my actual intentions and it might sound like a bunch of confusing thoughts that I tried to bring to words. Alright, I’m calling it quits now for good because if you saw my local time right now you’d probably scold me a lot and force me to go to bed^^. With this said I wish you a good night and enjoy the rest of the weekend. Thanks for reading and dream of Peter and Neverland.
Neverland is home to lost boys like me and lost boys like me are free.Ruth B – Lost Boys